Since I began my marriage series, I have been surprised by both the emails I receive, and the eyeball raising Google searches that lead people to my site.
Some doozies have been:
- Women squash men's testicles.
- Why my husband doesn't love me anymore.
- How married people grow apart.
- How to make husband be loving.
- How to not be an old hag.
OK, the first one is the most eye opening. What was that search about?
Most of all, I have heard time and time again, that after kids it all just fizzles.
Can your marriage survive parenthood unscathed?
Marriage + Young Kids = Exhaustion
I have been both touched and enlightened by the responses I have received. I am, by default, a MommyBlogger, and focus my attention on what I know best. I understand husbands and wives in the trenches of life with young children. Studies show that the most stressful, and least satisfying years of marriage are the ones spent while raising young children.
It is important to keep in mind, however, that marital happiness is at its lowest point while raising children, but a married couple, with children, still report higher levels of happiness than the general population.
Sleep deprivation, spending days on end cleaning horrific things out of carpets during kid's bout with the flu, and financial stress all take a toll on us.
It is way too easy to let the everyday interactions with our lesser halves be scripted, full of passive aggressive verbal jabs, emotional stonewalling, and arguments over household labor division.
How do we change course, even if the throes of childrearing? We know the normal suggestions from the experts.
- Go on a weekly date night. Does anyone really do that?
- Spice up your sex life. Yuck, a french maids uniform does nothing for me!
- Discuss our needs and issues with spouse and develop a mutually agreeable plan to divide household chores evenly. Good luck with that one.
Do these things really work? Sometimes.
I do get the occasional email describing how wonderful a husband is. How he cooks, cleans, changes the baby, and gives his wife pedicures. OK, I made that last part up! I think that is great, it's just I don't think it is the norm. I think these hubbies are the exception rather than the rule.
So what are some realistic ways we can help bring back a little more married bliss and less married blah? Here are a few ideas-
Have a few moments alone everyday.
Sounds easy right? Not so much. Many of us are so busy that we are scheduled until we crash at night.
Who did we forget? Yep, our spouse.
Who do we 'grow apart' from? Yep, our spouse.
Life is tough, the pressures, the worries, the exhaustion. The best way to deal with the stresses is to, at the end of the day, spend some time with your hubby. This is a great way to reconnect.
No, I'm not talking sex yet, just spending a few minutes snuggled up on the couch or chit chatting about things other than children.
Testicles, why not let him keep them?
If you want to lose respect for him and completely mess your kids up, be sure to emasculate your hubby.
When we control, criticize, and condemn everything he does it damages more than we know!
Yes, he's not perfect, but he is yours. Look on the bright side. When you start getting bummed about your lesser half, you must do things to snap out of it before any damage is done. Before I say anything negative to my husband, I like to say a quick prayer and do a quick mental run-down of some of his good points.
Many times we do have to step in when they have bad ideas. My hubby, who is not blessed with the handy-man gene, has a romantic idea about buying a "fixer-upper" farmhouse one day.
Instead of letting loose with some snappy testicle-shrinking quips** about his total ineptitude doing handiwork around the house, I have learned to be the ever present diplomat.
Growing up in the South, our Mommas always said, "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar." Truer words were never said.
If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!
Continue working on editing the nagging tendency to be critical.
If you missed the beginning of the series, please check back here.
Please, I beg you ladies, avoid passive aggression like the plague. Nothing is worse than passive aggressive comments in relationships. Unfortunately, many of us unconsciously learned these techniques watching our own mother's behavior. Subconscious family dynamics from our family of origin is an all-to-common roadblock in marriages.
Not to add any extra pressure but, it is a fact that if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. And, if Momma is a hag, the whole family will just implode!
The emotional climate in the house is almost always set by the woman. No husband and kids can stay grumpy when up against a cheerful and loving woman.
Look for the humor in everything. Humor is the refuge in the middle of life's storms. When you and your lesser half can learn to seek out something to laugh about, I promise, it will bring you together like magic.
OK, Ladies, it's your turn this week. What are your great tips for bringing marital bliss and less marital blahs? How do you and your lesser half keep it all together in the middle of the whirlwind of life?
I can't wait to hear everyone's tips and tricks!
"The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." -Proverbs 14:1
Gentle Arts Archives-
**"Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing." -Proverbs 12:18
My StumbleUpon Page
